safe as houses

Since I’ve been in Afghanistan friends on many occasion have asked me “are you safe?” The simple answer to that question is…..no. But I look at it like this; growing up in northwest Baltimore wasn’t all that safe so I’ll be OK. Over the past few months, I’ve come to understand that security in Afghanistan is a complicated thing and it is largely dependant on where you are, what you’re doing, and who you’re doing it with.

In Kabul, there is no security period, you just have to trust in the numbers. That is to say, that on any given day there are roughly two and a half million people in Kabul and the odds are that YOU in particular aren’t going to get blown the fuck up. It’s kind of like playing Taliban roulette where you’re standing at the table as the wheel goes round hoping that the little white ball doesn’t fall on random person # 835,642 – YOU. “come on baby, daddy wants to keep all his limbs!”

In Herat, the calculus changes a bit. The population is much smaller than Kabul so technically your odds get worse since there are fewer people to get blown up meaning that your number is more likely to come up. However, there are apparently fewer things of interest to blow up in Herat and thus fewer bombings. Generally speaking, in Herat if you stay away from the airport, Governor’s house, U.N. compound, hotels, bazaars, bike shops, ice cream parlors, hospitals, restaurants, private homes, electronic shops, mosques, schools, parks, tailors, office buildings, garages, fruit stands, police stations, DVD shops, dry cleaners, and public buildings of any sort then you should be OK.

Out in the provinces like where I live it gets even more interesting. A little background, after the NATO led invasion of Afghanistan that toppled the Taliban, the country was essentially divided into security zones with different NATO member states responsible for the security of a particular region of the country. The area where I live is under the military protection of a contingent led by the Lithuanian army. That’s right the Lithuanians. Now I don’t want to malign these boys too much for two reasons; firstly, they recently invited me to their base for dinner which was much appreciated because there’s only so much stewed goat a man can eat, and the Lithuanian army cafeteria comes complete with fried chicken, lasagna, and an ice cream station, secondly, should the proverbial shit hit the fan I’ll be counting on these boys to save my ass and get me out of here. But since there is absolutely nothing out here worth going to the effort or expense of blowing up, paired with the fact that I live about ¼ mile from the Lithuanian army base so unless the Taliban actually decide to attack the base itself I should be OK.

So while the 82nd Airborne they may not be, let’s give it up for the Lithuanians – keepers of the peace and givers of the double scoop of chocolate!